Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Change & Stability


If you know me very well at all, you’ll know I spend a good deal of time here:


Dun dun dun. My desk of doom.

I’ve got everything I need: books, nail polish, camera charger, highlighters, gel pens, cute paper clips, coloring pages, headphones, sticky notes, and an um, tripod..

When I’m done with people, I go there. When I’m frustrated, I go there. When I’m happy, I go there. When I don’t know what else to do, I go there.

As dumb as it sounds, I use school as an escape from reality. School is my hobby.

That desk provides me with a sense of stability. It’s staying there for a while, and I’ll have something to study for at least another year and a half.

I’m at that ‘awkward stage’ again, though I don’t think I ever really got out of it the first time.

It’s no secret, I can’t exactly brag about the number of friends I have. And I like it that way.

But it’s going to be harder now, ‘cause everybody is going places and doing things.

And I’m happy for them, I am.

But it’s no secret, I hate change. I want things to stay the same forever.

If life could forever by 2013, that’d be okay with me.

And the only real tangible thing in my life that won’t change:



I’m also a lover of plans. I like to plan things, and I like the plan to work out perfectly. But you know, that doesn’t always work out. Because things change.

But I have a nice little webpage showing me what’s happening in my academic life for the next 2 years. And that is wonderful to me.


But you know, I think sometimes I miss out on life while sitting in front of my desk. Stability is a good thing. But instability isn’t all half bad either. And change, well, change can be good or bad. But I need to quit being afraid of it, which is much easier said than done. But even if I never do, I need to move out from behind the desk once and a while, and experience life.


And feel the coolness.



Look for the beauty in every day life.


And feel the rain.


And laugh a little.


Because whether or not I like it, things change.

And either I can pretend things aren’t changing, and sit in my room, knee deep in books about Lincoln, the French Revolutions, and Piaget’s theories, thanking God for the seeming stability of school.

Or I can enjoy life as it is now. And look forward to life as it will be.

The more things stay the same, the more they seem to change.

And there’s nothing I can do to stop change.

And that’s okay.

Because if I had it my way, nothing would ever change.

And my life, despite my hatred of change, would look a lot different if I had never experienced change.

Like my bangs would still be like those weird middle school “side bangs”

And I still would think this is a decent photo:


So I don’t know that I’ll ever be a huge fan of change, but just because things will change doesn’t mean I should shun the things that might.

Change isn’t all bad, change can bring good things.

Thinking back, if some things in my life hadn’t changed, things would be a lot different. And I’m, for the most part, glad my life looks the way it  does right now.

I need to get out from behind the desk.

And embrace life. Changing or not.


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