If Instagram was more honest….

 

So. I’ll say it. I hate Instagram. I hate it almost as much as when people put Spanish or French or whatever as a language they speak after taking a couple of classes. No, you can order at a restaurant, congrats, but you don’t speak French. I think facebook should have a test, if you prove yourself to be pretty-dang-close to fluent, congrats, add it as a language, if not, too bad, continue being a wannabe (like me).

But that’s another rant for another day.

I made an account on Instagram once.. Deleted it after 5 minutes.

The first reason I hate it is because, well, I hate that now that most everyone has a phone that takes ‘decent’ pictures, we try to crap them up with filters. What is the point of that? Oh here is a half-decent photo, let me add a filter that blurs it and makes it look like I dropped the photo in water. Yes, that looks good.

No, no it doesn’t.

I’ve kind of got this thing against making good photos look vintage anyhow. Unless it’s like supposed to be recreating or something. I just have this thing against all sepia filters. Also, I avoid saying “sepia” like the plague, because I’m honestly not even sure how to say that.

The other reason, is because well, it’s just so fake. No one looks like that when they get up. People actually eat quinoa and like it? (my mother says she likes it, but I don’t even know how that is humanly possible).

So last not today or yesterday, I documented life, instagram style. I’m still new at this, so you know, don’t hold any noob mistakes against me.

Such a beautiful morning! Ready to get this day started! #earlybird #duckface #alldayeveryday

Oopsie, forgot to take a picture of my coffee when it was full. Always look at the positives in life. 1/4 full, not 3/4 empty. #coffee #morning #goodvibes

Cleaning makes me feel so good! The way your bathroom cabinets look reflects your life, are you going to have an orderly life or a confusing one? #organization #supertidy #whoneedsamaid

I just opened the Bible to take a picture so people would know how spiritual I am. #mildew

I love dressing up. Couldn’t figure out how to do any poses from Next Top Model, so I drew my inspo from Nacho Libre. #fancy #posing #imamodel #forgot #duckface

My gorgeous view today. I could just sit and look at it all day. #maps #toshiba #adobe #googlechrome

Loving getting pampered. So relaxing, but don’t you be idolizing my moisturizing #refreshing #lotion #feet

Ate a whole bag of Kroger brand tortilla chips for lunch. Healthy eating is my passion. #yumyum #processedchips

Me and that boy. He’s the highlight of my day #lovehim #xoxo #soulmates

Just chilling after lunch. Pimple don’t stand a chance with me around. #proactivisforweenies #letsgo #huah

Scrubbing the Java Chip frappucino I dumped all over the driver’s seat. #starbucks #coffeelove #dawndishsoap

Getting ready for bed. You can’t see it, but this tshirt has like, coffee stains on it. #Waynesboroplayasreppin #braids #tiredgirl

 

You know, maybe I’ve changed my mind…maybe I will get Instagram..

I wish everyone would just get over Marilyn Monroe.

 

People idolize people. It’s stupid, but it’s what happens. And in my opinion, one of the most OVERRATED people of all time…is Marilyn Monroe.

Yes, I have said it, I have blasphemed the name of the incredible Monroe. Sue me.

First off, let us take a little look at her actual size. So many people say she’s inspiring to just look how they look and all that jazz. And Marilyn was a big woman, so I can be too, woop-diddly-dee! I’m all for having a good body image (see this post), but I hate myths. And I hate when people just believe anything they read on the internet.

 

“Well it was on the internet, so it has to be true.”

But really.

I looked up her measurements from her dressmaker. The one’s from the studio were about an inch larger on everything…so keep that in mind, I’m going with skinny Marilyn, but the bigger Marilyn wasn’t much larger..

Bust: 36in

Waist: 22in

Hips: 36in.

Weight:118lbs

Okay, so going by Banana Republic’s sizing chart, today she would be size 8 top. And because she was curvy, it’s a little more difficult to tell pant size, she would wear somewhere from a 00 to a 2. Her dress size is also a bit tricky because of the curves, but it looks to me like either a 6 or an 8.

Wait.

You mean…not a 16?

YOU’RE WRONG I KNOW SHE WAS OVERWEIGHT BECAUSE I KNOW THESE THINGS AND INTERNET AND STUFF AND I LOVE MARILYN AND SHE INSPIRES ME AND AND AND

hey, your beef is with her dressmaker’s measurements, not me. Another thing to consider is the way sizes change, she may have been a 10 or whatever, but that doesn’t mean a whole lot in terms of our sizes today. And that quote about you being beautiful because you’re not a size 0, and society is ugly? Well, someone just made that up. Seriously. There was no such thing as a size 0 during Marilyn’s life. So if everyone could please quit quoting that, that’d be great.

I have a wedding dress from the 1970s (don’t ask), and it’s a size 8. I usually wear something from size 0 to size 2.

I make look like a fabulous 70s princess, but I can’t breathe.

That dress is hard to put on. The zipper is tight as all get out. It took my mom and my sister pulling it to get it up. The dress hasn’t been altered. It’s a size 8. Or at least it was in 1970ish. So she may have been a size 16, in the 1960s. But it’s not the same as todays sizes.

BUT WHYYY do all her clothes look like they’re going to pop off if she was so small?

Well, Marilyn, being the classy woman she was, was often sewn into her dresses because they were so tight. Well, shoot.

Which brings me to this misattributed quote:

No. No. No. First of all, if Marilyn did say this, she needed to take her own advice.

Dress maker Edith Head said this. Here she is with a couple of Oscars:

I love how she’s just like, “yeah, these are my Oscars, got a problem?”

She worked with Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn a bit. So tell me, who dressed more lady-ish: Marilyn, Audrey, or Grace? Hm. And I’m just now realizing her striking resemblance to Edna Mode. Oh, Disney Pixar, you sneaky little people.

But now that we’ve got that out of the way…here are some other not-so-outstanding things about Marilyn Monroe.

She quit school in 10th grade. And I know things happen, and circumstances are whatever, but that’s a fact. She quit to be married to a man whom she was married to for 4 years.

In 1950, she had surgery to “fix” her nose and chin. How’s that for true beauty and accepting yourself?

She was married 3 times. Her longest marriage lasted 5 years.

And probably the most overlooked one of all time: She had an affair with the president. The president. And with others. But definitely with the president. What a smart move. Like, if that doesn’t prevent people from idolizing her, I don’t know what would. And I know, I know, the president was the married one, and he was wrong too. You’re dang right JFK was wrong, but hey, I can only rant about one person at a time.

And I understand there are broken people, and I understand redemption, but there is no Marilyn recovery story. She lived that lifestyle until she died. And it’s sad as anything. I don’t hate the person who was Monroe, I hate the way she is idolized. I hate that people think her life is something to look up to. I hate that people use her broken, messed-up, lost life to justify their actions.

She was sad person. There’s heavy evidence that she was abused as a child. She was passed around from person to person as a kid. I believe she was looking for what a lot of people search for: love.

And she got it, in one sense of the word.

But I hope that no one else has to live through what Marilyn lived through. And I hope no one wants to live that life.

And you know, I don’t think her life is really something you’d want to repeat. She’s no role model.

“No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they’re pretty, even if they aren’t.” –Marilyn Monroe.

 

Source was mostly this: http://www.marilynmonroepages.com/facts/ (kind of ironic, since it’s like a fan page..) Anything I couldn’t find there was probably from Wikipedia.

Rage against the Girl of the Year

 

Well, I just saw a commercial for the new American Girl movie…for “Saige.”

Now, let me tell you something heartbreaking about Saige.

She’s the new girl at school and she likes to draw…and in a shocking turn of events, her school’s art program is cut, due to budget cuts.

THE HORRORS.

Seriously, there is an hour and a half long movie about a girl saving her art program. How interesting.

I mean, the American girl movies were never exactly high quality, high budget productions, but they were better than that. And besides, we had the books to read. And my American Girls faced trials harder than budget cuts.

Kaya was a Native American with a blind sister.

Felicity was growing up during the Revolutionary War, her best friend was a loyalist.

Josefina lived without a mother.

Kirsten immigrated from Sweden to Minnesota.

Addy, you know, just escaped from slavery.

Samantha a rich girl, befriends a super poor orphan girl.

Kit lived during the Great Depression.

Molly grew up during World War II, and her dad was deployed.

Saige went to a new school and her art classes were cut.

Cry me a river, Saige.

I mean, really?

There are books and a movie about art classes being cut? Sounds thrilling.

And isn’t American Girl’s mission to like, teach and empower girls? And sue me, but I kind of really like the idea of historical girls better. And they’re not out of history. There’s no gold rush doll, no 1950s doll, no eskimo doll, you get the point.

And um, maybe I’m just acting like a grumpy old person, but American Girls used to be a lot cooler. And since American Girl’s mission is “to help girls be the best they can be” well, they’re kind of doing a bad job of that.

Oh, look I’m Addy, and I’m just you know, escaping from slavery with my mom.

And I’m Saige my art classes are cancelled and my horse gets hurt.

Saige, you inspire me.

 I’ve always kind of thought the girl of the year dolls were stupid. Like even when I was 11, I thought it was dumb.

But I guess American Girl is just catering to their customers.

We like relatable things you know. So a girl who’s happiness is so fragile, that when her art program is cut, that crushes her, well, we can relate to her lameness and her insignificant problems. We can’t relate to anyone living in real struggle, because we don’t know really know struggle. So we make up for that by making our insignificant problems into some big deal, when really, it’s just like, hey, I know gas is $50 a tank, but suck it up and get on with your life.

I think we’re all girls of the year sometimes.

Whining about our stupid problems, thinking things are worse than they are.

And at the same time, there is a Kirsten, a refugee looking for a home.

Or a Kit, someone living through their own great depression.

Or a Molly, with a loved on gone.

And we get to decide, we get to be whiny-butt Saiges who need to get a handle on reality, or butt-kicking, prejudice overcoming Samanthas.

Are we going to do something to make a difference?

 

Oh, and just a bit of a disclaimer, I haven’t actually read the book, I just saw the commercial and read the Wiki article. Which was enough for me. And what kid names their horse Picasso? Saige, you little weirdo.

Also, I’m just a tad bit weirded out/ashamed that I just spent however long writing a rant about dolls. Oh, hi yes, my name’s Bekah, I’m a college sophomore and I like to complain about dolls. herrrrrshner.

Eh. Whatever.

I hope my dead relatives aren’t watching.

 

So, whenever someone dies, people either think that a) they become angels or b) they’re going to be up in heaven creeping on their friends and relatives until all of them die. Well, either way you’re wrong.

Standing in that terribly awkward line at the funeral home and having all these strangers telling you that your lost loved one is looking down at you smiling…I’m sorry, but they’re happy we’re all standing in this line being sad and whatever because they died? Well, that makes no sense. Unless they have that weird disorder where you get pleasure from other people’s pain, I can’t remember the word for it, I think it’s German, but anyway….

I’m sorry, but telling me that my grandma is looking down on me as I do stuff is not comforting. Sure, it’d be nice to believe that my deceased grandparents were “there” while I graduated and other junk like that,  but wouldn’t that mean they could see me do stupid crap too?

And I’m fairly certain no one says, “Well, bless her little heart.” in heaven. And if I’m right, that pretty much rules out my grandma from seeing me doing anything dumb. And pretty much all southern women, for that matter.

Also, if heaven is really joyful and pain free….wouldn’t seeing your living friends relatives be idiots kind of be painful?

“Oh, look at my grandchildren being idiots. Someone tell them to stop.”

And um, I’m not the only relative someone has…so if they can float around and watch us all, at the same time, at any time, isn’t that kind of equating them with God? Huh.

I mean, they were cool people, but they weren’t/aren’t gods. (well, I just gave it away, I’m not a Mormon)

Also…if they’re “always watching” like Roz, does that mean like, when I got my wisdom teeth ripped out and had blood dripping out my mouth….they were watching? How comforting.

LOOK Y’ALL! LOOK AT HOW UNCOMFORTABLE I AM. THANK GOD YOU CAN SEE ME IN PAIN!!!

No. no. no. no. no.

Maybe I’m missing something, but it doesn’t make any sense to me.

And absolutely it sounds much nicer to say, “Well, I know he’s looking down from heaven, so proud of you.” But just because something sounds nice doesn’t mean it’s true.

I can also say, “Well, if I just buy from the FEED line at Target, I’ll be able to end poverty in the United States.” Well, hate to break it to you, that’s not true either, despite what the commercials say.

Welcome to reality. Ain’t it fun?

 

p.s. If y’all actually can look down, and I’m just greatly misled…well…sorry, oops. And grandma…I took an old wig from your house. I’ve gotten good use out of it though.